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I'm a (struggling) Christian. I'm a lesbian. (No, it's not a contradiction.) I'm in the middle of taking a year off from university that I've spent "getting healthy" - both emotionally and physically. Rediscovering my faith and reconciling it with my sexuality as well as losing weight through exercise have become my priority during this time of healing. This journal is just a place for me to keep a record of these areas of my life.
inthewater47: Bible cover (Default)
So in my efforts to grow closer to God, I started going through my father's book case looking for a good Christian non-fiction book. And I stumbled on a book called Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Basically, it's about how a lot of people think that going to church once a week and trying not to swear too much is showing God enough love. But he thinks it isn't. (I'm only at the first chapter so I can't really say more than that...)

Anyways. That's not really the point.

The point is that during the preface, Chris Tomlin talks about this verse:

"The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch."
      Acts 11:26b


Why that's interesting... )
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So... there was a lot today that spoke to me. Sometimes, it's just one or two verses. Some days there isn't really much of anything at all. But today it was basically three full chapters:


Judges 19 )


Isaiah 40 )


Mark 9:14-32 - "The Healing of a Boy With an Evil Spirit" )

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So every day I read six chapters of the Bible:
  one from Genesis to Deuteronomy
  one from Joshua to Esther
  one from Job to Song of Songs
  one from Isaiah to Malachi
  one from Matthew to Acts
  and one from Romans to Revelation
And then repeat as you reach the end of each section.

The original recommendations was actually five a day with the first being Genesis through Esther but when I started, I really wanted to read Joshua. So I added in a sixth chapter. Once I'm done one of those two (either Gen. to Deut. or Josh. to Esther) I'm going to drop back down to five but I recently realized that there's a giant hole in my knowledge of the Bible from Joshua to Esther (with the exception of David). Anyways.

As I read everyday I take a highlighter and pick out the verses that resonate that day and make a note of them in a journal. Today the only verse that really stood out is quite possibly the least comforting verse of Scripture:

  Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.
      Mark 4:38a

The disciples - who were mostly fishermen and so were used to being in boats - are freaking out because the storm is so bad. And where's Jesus? Oh you know... taking a nap. I just find the image kind of hilarious.
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My father is a Baptist pastor and my mother is a Baptist pastor's wife. I think, when most people hear the word "Baptist" they think Southern Baptist and imagine a lot of preaching about God's wrath and fire and hell and all of that jazz. I can't speak as to the accuracy of that perception, having never set foot in a Southern Baptist church (what with living in Ontario, Canada and all…). I can't even say if that's true of other Baptist denominations that are closer to home. What I can say is that I've never once heard my father stand in the pulpit and preach against any one particular kind of sin.


My Story (So Far...) )



So if there's anyone out there reading this (and congratulations on making it all the way to the end...) I'd love to hear your story.

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inthewater47

March 2012

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